I've been reading through her blog.

Maybe we're just not and meant to be. Anyways, she keeps going out with hamad, talking to him, msging him. Nowadays, it just seems so difficult for her to msg me, meet me. I really don't know. It seems to me that i dun matter to her anymore. Juz hope that she's happy with him. Maybe i should make it easier for her. I really hope that she would give him a chance. Although she keep telling me that she doesn't like him, i really doubt it. I really think that her feelings for him are strong. Maybe she just doesn't want to hurt me. Hmm...

i'm trying damn hard to forget her. Bt i guess it just isn't that easy. I'm not looking for pity but i Just want to get over her. Seems to me she's doing fine without me. She's enjoying herself. It's not that i don't want to be with her. But how can u be with somebody when u know deep inside that somebody is just not for you. If she had her way she would rather be with another guy. I only pray the best for her. Hopefully the guy will feel the same way abt her as she feels about the guy.

Was trying to control myself, didn't want to call her or msg her. But the feelings were overwhelming. I know that it didn't matter to her if i called or not. God damn it why am i so worked out. I'm going crazy. Freaking eyes swollen. Whole body is shaking uncontrollably. Wat the hell is happening to me?!! The last time i felt like this was when i was 19. When i broke up with farina. I hope that this time won't be as bad as the last. Hopefully i won't do anything stupid. Why am i so freaking weak ?!!

I LOVE YOU ALOT!!!

Can't you understand me?!!

Kau Pergi Jua

~~~~~~~~

Wajahmu

Seindah serinya pelangi yang indah

Seharum mawar putih segar berkembang

Wajahmu

Mengapa sering terbayang dimataku

Sehingga terbawa didalam mimpiku

Sayangku

Tahukah kau didalam hatiku ini

Tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci

Kau bunga

Ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku

Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku

Sayangnya

Harapan yang selama ini kubawa

Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya

Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi

Kau pergi jua

Setelah cinta ku kini membara

Belum sempat kucurahkan

kasihkuKau pergi tak kembali...

Damn...Finally

Finally i'm able to log into my acct. All this while, i was unable to blog cos i wasn't able to log into my acct. Finally i can let out my feelings. Phew...

So, where shall i start?

Was freaking upset yesterday, still upset now. Downed a bottle of cough syrup yesterday. I was so high that i couldn't wake up for work today. People at work thought that i was sick but my friends knew that i wasn't lah. Slept through lunch.

Didn't eat the whole day.I have been upset over the past few days. I try not to argue with her. But i'm the sort of person who let out everything when he's unhappy. Sorie dear i didn't mean to be such an ass.Then again, there's no use trying to make things work now.

I have the song Kenangan Terindah by Samsons on repeat. Freaking eyes are so watery i can't see clearly.

Kenangan Terindah

aku yang lemah tanpamu

aku yang rentan karena

cinta yang tlah hilang darimu

yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka

sampai jantung tak berdetak

selama itu pun

aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

darimu, kutemukan hidupku

bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

bila yang tertulis untukku

adalah yang terbaik untukmu

kan kujadikan kau kenangan

yang terindah dalam hidupku

namun takkan mudah bagiku

meninggalkan jejak hidupku

yang telah terukir abadi

sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Somewhere, sometime, i must have done sumthing wrong to deserve all this.

I'm tired frm all the arguements. If u want to know other reason why i leave hamaf is becoz he's controlling my life. Can't do this nor do that. I dun like. I tot i can tolerate u despite knowing how u are. To give us a chance bt i tired to argue with u everynite. maybe betul u ckp U give me a few mths b4 i leave u. As much as i want to prove u wrong n co further with u, i can't do it now when at the same time, i have to hndle the issue i'm having with my parents. Ican't take the stress anymore. i cry to slp thinking how pathertic my life is. I'm sorry bt maybe i, shld be single till i an handle a relationship

~her exact words

If i didn't care, would i try to calm u down whenever u fought with them.

Would i ever try to talk sense into u. Please lah. For goodness sake, THINK!

I hope she's happy now that she's rid of a problem.

I really dun know how i'm feeling rite nw. I love her bt i have a gf. She says that she loves me bt i feel damn neglected. Maybe i'm asking for too much. I really dun know wat to do. Can sumbody, anybody help me out. God damn it. I can't take it anymore. I really love her a lot bt damn it man. She has too many guy frens. Sum of them whom had feelings for her and some she had for. If i could change anything abt myelf, i would stop being jealous. Bt then it's just me. I feel that it's a bit unfair for her cos i'm attached and i'm still jealous over her. Maybe she should just leave me.

If only the people around me really understood me. How i'm feeling and all. Honestly, i dun think anyone does. I really feel that her feelings for me have faded. I feel as if í dun mean a thing to her. She keeps telling me that her feelings for me are still the same. I feel as if i'm going crazy. i can't think straight. Maybe it's the influence of the ub. Bt really i dun do it for fun. I juz feel like shit now.I just feel like running away from all this. i feel like breaking down. I really dun know wat to feel....


It's better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for wat u aren't...

Sumtimes i really wonder wat is wrong with me...
She's so nice to me, and i'm being such an ass to her. Juz because she msged him to apologise the i gave her an a attitude. Bt if she hates him so much, why bother apologising. U apologise to sumone u offended because you care abt how the person feels.

I may sound freaking heartless bt seriously if u hate a person so much, then why care abt how he feels.
Come on if i my feelings for u weren't dat strong and if i was trying to make a fool out of u, would i be this fucking pissed. God damn it lah. Why nt juz go back to him. He's so fucking irritating. When he's with u he made a fool out of u bt when ur apart he worships the ground u walk on. Wat the fuck?!! Can he like make up himm fucking mind. If he wants to be with u so much why do all that to u in the 1st place. U keep telling me that you've got no more feelings for him. Bt deep down i know u still do and dats probably the reason why u still care abt how he feels. I feel like such a loser. FUCK!

Maybe we're juz not meant to be....